Alvin In The Room: Journal

On solitude

Tsim Sha Shui, Hong Kong, 2016

Tsim Sha Shui, Hong Kong, 2016

1

Society sometimes overemphasizes the positive side of having a couple and even family, while stressing that individuals are the fault of human relationships and the have the tendency of social isolation. Is it always true? Does having relationship mean happiness for sure? Is being alone always the sad thing? Can we allow people to choose what they want but not say you have to find someone so that you will be happier blah blah blah?

有時候社會會過分強調兩個人甚至組織家庭的美好,說一個人就是人際關係失敗或是抗拒社交的表現。這是必然的嗎?有伴侶就必定愉快,而沒伴就一定是不好?我們有沒有讓其他人可以選擇而不是一味說「你必須找個人,這樣才會開心點」?

 

N1 Cafe, 2015

N1 Cafe, 2015

2

People always encourage others to engage in group activities. When they are alone, they are said to be antisocial.

On one hand, group activities are too difficult to be held especially in cities like Hong Kong where people are too busy. On the other hand, solitude is not as bad as we think.

We tend to think being alone can lead to fatal accidents. We tend to think people don’t take others’ feeling into consideration if they wanna do something on their own. But we don’t appreciate that they are already independent and never rely on others to solve problems in life. But we never accept the fact that solo people always plan their activities better to avoid possible dangers.

Can we understand those solo better, by asking why we prefer to do something on their own, how they live alone and most important if they are really resistant to the social? Social animals may not be better than solo as the former can be too dependent on others, i.e. they can’t help themselves, leaving too much troubles to their friends and relatives. In fact, we have two selfs. Sometimes we need to be alone and sometimes we enjoy gathering and even company.

人們經常鼓勵其他人參與群體活動,如果他們一個人,往往就會被說成不(擅)社交。

一方面,群體活動不是容易成事的,尤其城市人如香港人經常生活繁忙。另一方面,孤獨並非如我們所想的差。

我們傾向想像孤獨/一個人為發生致命意外其中一個因素,傾向形容一個人的行為反映不考慮其他成員的感受。但卻沒想到原來一個人其實可以獨立生活,在解決困難時不用依賴他人。但卻不願意接受一個人可以有更好的計劃,在活動時避免可能出現的危險。

其實我們是否應該多點了解:為什麼有很多人選擇一個人處事?一個人是如何生活?一個人去玩去生活是否意味真的抗拒社交?所謂social的人未必比「一個人」的好,因為前者也可以過度依賴他人,不擅自己解決問題甚至把麻煩帶給其他人。事實上我們有兩面:有時候我們需要獨處,有時候享受陪伴。

 

Hong Kong, 2015

Hong Kong, 2015

3

Why are there solo travelers? Why don’t they find a friend to go together? Many people have the same question while they are not willing to accept a fact.

Many people like to encourage others not to be solo and even say like ‘let me go with you next time’. Sadly, they forget what they said and even decline the invitation with a series of excuses.

Or, they are always busy.

In my hometown I notice that people always attend events and activities with their friends in most cases. If they can’t find people to go with them, they give up or wait rather than going alone.

I remember that my mum always wanted to visit her two brothers in America. However she couldn’t get there alone, and my dad were not able to join her since he needed to go to work and it was not easy to have a long vacation. The dream came true finally after 20 years as I quitted my job and decided to have a gap year.

Unfortunately the society prefer group to individuality, as the latter represents antisocial. But in fact, solitude and company are both options in life and they should not be labelled as good or bad.

I am sure people do appreciate others who want to join them, when they fulfill their promise only. However, they just say repeatedly and make others disappointed to them.

I hope you to realize the fact that it’s not always possible to take a time altogether. If you want to travel solo, do it yourself! You can do it without the help from other people. So don’t procrastinate and you will regret……

為什麼要一個人旅行?為什麼不找個伴去?很多人都會問,但很多人都不會面對一個現實。

那就是很多人都「鼓勵」別人,甚至很主動叫你找他(她)去。於是你見他也想一起,那你打算起行就找他,豈料他已經忘記了說過什麼,用很多的理由去「推卻」。

當然也有有心的人,無奈地大家很忙,時間上都很難配合。因為這裡是香港。

我見在自己的城市裡,以我的觀察很多地方很多活動的人通常有個伴或群體。也相信很多人會等他們的朋友,但是不知等到何時,甚至最後沒有成事。

我媽想去美國探她兩個哥哥,但是我爸上班很難放假加上我們還小,於是等了廿多年因為我辭職才能去。

可惜社會上比較鼓勵群體生活,一個人做他喜歡的事有時候被視為不合群或是在他人眼中比較疑惑:為什麼不找人一起。一個人還是兩個還是一群人,那是選擇,本來沒有等級或好壞之分。

如果你說到你會找我或是你想我們一起,在我而言我是會把你的想法放在心裡,因為我重視你是朋友。但是有很多時候讓我愈來愈失望,因為沒有人用槍迫使你說出這樣的話,我本來也沒有這樣的要求。

這裡想讓大家明白:要與人去,在時間上是難以配合的,自己的時間是最容易控制,一個人做自己的,一方面可以做到,一方面最快達到自己心願。你覺得自己不會的事,其實也會。所以不要拖延,否則青春不知不覺會過⋯⋯

LifeAlvin C